Yesterday, I threw myself the biggest Pity Party I’ve ever indulged in. I’m talking a MASSIVE Pity Party with all the fixin’s; sobbing, pouting, going back to bed multiple times, crying while folding laundry, crying while unloading the dishwasher, eating way too many Oreos, zombie walking through Wal-Mart thinking mean things about the “happy” people around me, etc. I really wallowed in it. I mean how dare the other people at Wal-Mart to be laughing?!?! Didn’t they know that my children had just flown back to Florida!? Didn’t they know that my house was quiet once again after 2 weeks of laughter and togetherness had ended!? Don’t they even care that we are back to being just a party of 4!?
Then, just like God, He reminded me in several ways that we are not a party of 4. We are, at the very least, a party of 5! He is WITH us. He is with me. I will never be a party of 1. Praise Jesus!
One of the ways He spoke to me was through a very special friend. I go to her when I am at my ugliest because I know she will love me in spite of myself. She listened to my whining, she hurt with me and then she pointed me straight back to God’s word!
“O LORD, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.” ~ Psalm 38:21-22
What a comforting scripture that is. I mean, really, think about it. The God of all creation is NEAR to me. He is NEAR to you. No matter how dark your view is, there IS a light and His name is Jesus.
After a day that seemed to never end, the Littles were finally asleep and I went to bed. I lay there crying off and on and praying for God to allow my mind to rest. I prayed that He would show me tenderness and peace…He did. My husband came in. He laid down beside me and began to just quietly rub my hair. He didn’t tell me to get over it. He didn’t tell me it would be alright. He was comforting me just by being there. I didn’t tell Barry how much I needed that. I still haven’t. He knows. He knew then too.
Finally, God spoke to me after the stillness of the night had settled in. I woke up several times during the night. I often do. As I laid there, I expected to start tearing up again, but instead I started smiling. Memories of the 2 weeks with our family starting flooding into my mind. Instead of the sadness I had allowed the day to bring me, the night was filled with reminders of how good God has been to me. Here are a few pictures of some of the blessing during those 2 weeks:
What a fool I had been! The enemy knows our weaknesses. I allowed him a foothold in my emotions. I allowed him to whisper lies in my ears all day. A day wasted.
When my feet hit the floor this morning, I promised myself and my Lord that I would not waste today. As I showered, I thanked Him for forgiving me yet again and for loving me. As I dressed and got ready, I praised Him for every minute that he gave me with my family and thanked Him that they were now back home, safe and sound.
I know that I will mess up again. I know that there is a good possibility that I may throw myself another pity party in the future. More importantly, I know that even if I do, He will be there with me. The only guest to such a dreadful event. He will be there reminding me to give all my worries to Him because He cares for me. (1 Peter 5:7)